In June, our family began fostering a newborn baby boy that I will call "Ford" since I cannot put his real name in print. He was born meth positive. No one in our family could turn off any part of our hearts as we fell instantly in love with this tiny bundle. Suzanne and I have wanted more children as evidenced by the last two pregnancies (we already have 3 children). Both of those pregnancies ended in two still-born little boys. We decided to foster, with hopes of adoption, knowing the possible heartache that it might ultimatley bring.
From the first day we brought "Ford" home, Suzanne and I began praying for God's will in his life as well as ours. Two full weeks had passed and I was spending my daily time with Christ in His Word and in prayer. I was praying for the lost. Christ commended me for praying for the lost. I smiled proudly and said, "I was once lost. I know the feeling. It's easy for me to pray for the lost." I then began praying for those who were inprisoned by addiction. Christ commended me for praying for those addicted. I smiled proudly and said, "I was once addicted. I know the feeling. It is easy for me to pray for those addicted." Then Christ said "Birch, you're not praying for this mother of "Ford." She may be lost and is most certainly addicted."
Here is one reason that Christians are not supposed to act on "feeling." I told Christ that I did not "feel" like praying for her. I "felt" like she had made some choices that were unforgivable. She had made some choices to which there were natural consequences. I told Christ that I would pray for her salvation and her recovery in order to be obedient but I wouldn't mean it. My family had fallen in love with this little boy and we so desperately wanted to keep him and provide a safe-haven for him.
Now, I don't want to ever be hypocritical so I changed my attitude somewhat and asked God to begin changing my heart so that I could genuinly pray for her. He did.
What if the people that Christ enlisted to pray for me had refused because I wasn't worth it? What if the people who supported me through my recovery had thrown me away? Christ loved me in my sin. He offered me forgiveness and grace and so did several people along the way (namely my wife and my parents and in-laws). How ironic that I would for a second become a Pharisee, a Jonah, thinking that there could be such a person who doesn't deserve a new lease on life.
God has worked on the heart of Suzanne as well. We are supporting this young mother in her recovery. Christ died for her, loves her and has us praying for her rescue and recovery.
Now I have more understanding of the story of Solomon and the two women claiming to be the mother of a small child. Solomon said to rip the child in two pieces and give half to each. The real mother said "No, give the child to her." Right now I am his "daddy." I ultimately want him to be safe. God will provide that in His perfect will...even if this house ends up not being his home and I end up not being his daddy.
